I will always admit to a certain level of both amazement and shock when someone trusts me with their offspring. To anyone who knows me well enough to request such a favour my general dislike of children should be well known, yet they ask anyway. Somehow, despite my better judgement and with the promise of money being involved, I agree to watch the children... this does not end well. It has never ended well and it never wills, I have all the maternal instincts of a pit viper and I am not skilled at keeping children entertained. I also fail at resolving conflict without the threat of violence, cooking for picky eaters, telling stories with 'voices', tying shoes, getting ready for bed and entertaining something with the attention span of a dead goldfish.
I once locked my three year old cousin in his room when he wouldn't stop crying and turned the lights off, my reasoning being that the lack of visual and audio stimuli would cause him to stop, after all, it worked with my Furby. Then again, I also threw my Furby out of a moving vehicle when I couldn't get it to shut up... my cousin is lucky he stopped crying because I did only have Furby related experience to draw from and at that point I was willing to do whatever worked.
Yet despite my track record and spoken dislike of children, people keep entrusting me with something so fragile that if I ever came to my wits end... look all I'm saying is kids can be clumsy and there are a lot of stairs in my house. Stairs, countertops, light sockets really all I would have to do is stop paying attention for about five minutes and the kids will take care of themselves.